BICYCLES:
 Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to
 control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you
 must hide  behind a bush  and dash out, bark loudly and
 run alongside for a few yards; the person  then swerves
 and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
 
 BUMP:
 The best way to get your human's attention when they
 are drinking  a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
 
 DEAFNESS:
 This is a malady which affects dogs when their
 person want  them in and they want to stay out.
 Symptoms include staring blankly at  the person, then
 running in  the opposite direction, or lying down.
 
 DOG BED:
 any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the
 guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living
 room.
 
 DROOL:
 Is what you do when your persons have food and  you
 don't.  To do this properly you must sit as close as you
 can and look sad and let the  drool fall to the floor, or
 better  yet, on their laps.
 
 GARBAGE CAN:
 A container which your neighbors put out once a week to 
 test  your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and
 try to push  the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you
 are rewarded with  margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones
 to consume and moldy  crusts of bread.
 
 LEAN:
 Every good dog's response to the command "sit!", especially
 if your person is dressed for an evening out.  Incredibly
 effective before black-tie events.
 
 LEASH:
 A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead
 your person where you want him/her to go.
 
 LOVE:
 Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and
 without restriction. The best way you can show your
 love is to wag  your tail. If you're lucky, a human
 will love you in return.
 
 SNIFF:
 A social custom to use when you greet other dogs.
 Place your  nose as close as you can to the other dogs
 rear end and  inhale  deeply, repeat several times, or
 until your person makes you stop.
 
 SOFAS:
 Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is
 polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe
 your  whiskers  clean.
 
 THUNDER:
 This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans
 remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary
 to warn  them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably,
 panting,  rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
 
 WASTEBASKET:
 This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old  candy
 wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew
 the papers all over the house until your person comes home.